


In the shadows of the sun

by voodoobrownie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AT - Freeform, Implied Slash, Lucifer - Freeform, M/M, Revenge, Sammifer - Freeform, The End, during 5.04 and alternate events of 5.23, end verse (implied), following averted apocalypse, sam sais yes and cas isn’t revived, sam sais yes to Lucifer, season five, zachariah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-22 20:57:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/614254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voodoobrownie/pseuds/voodoobrownie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean stands still to think about what happened during 5.04.<br/>he feels responsible for what happens to cas.<br/>despite everything sam still want's to go through with the horrible plan of saying yes to the devil.</p><p>future chapters will contain smutty reunite dean/cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Because of me

**Author's Note:**

> it's a spn fanfic during season 5. has an alternate season 6 timeline.  
> it's a collab, but i don't know wether the other person has a profile here...  
> Titel: unknown (for now)  
> Chapters: 1/?  
> Chapter 1: Because of me.
> 
> next time :  
> Sam sais yes to the devil, and they manage to save the world as Sam jumps into the pit but Dean can’t save his angel….

Zachariah’s eyes lit furiously in the half-lit room. His mere presence was overwhelming, and he was furious.  
‘Well, I’ll just have to teach it *again*! ‘cause I’ve got you now, boy, And I’m never letting you-‘  
Suddenly the room was empty and he was angrily staring at the empty air where Dean used to be.  
‘sonova-‘

Dean flinched from the sudden cold wave of air. He was standing at the roadside not far from the hotel where he had decided to spent the night, fleeing from what was inevitable. He remembered the lost patch of trees surrounding a lonely bin, because he had been forced to stop his baby there the previous day, due to his tiny bladder. 

A certain trench coated individual was standing a couple of feet away, and Dean was sure he had never been so pleased to see Cas in his entire life. He smiled genuinely.  
‘That's pretty nice timing, Cas.’

It almost seemed impossible that less than ten minutes ago he had seen himself sending one of the people he cared about most dearly to his death, without even a flinch. His mind had the immediate response to shove it to the back of his head and imagine it never happened, or as Zachariah had insinuated, never actually would happen, but he couldn’t. It had been clearly him, the fearless leader as Cas had put it, who was so damn bittered by Fate, by the life he would have never chosen, and had spent the past year trying to abort, he led his friends into the fire. It wouldn’t have bothered him if it didn’t look so damn possible. He knew himself, despite the fearless façade of carrying-on, and he realized it could be the exact thing he would do when losing Sammy, practically the only thing keeping him going beside his feeling of right and wrong.  
He wasn’t oblivious to the fact he had been turning more and more into something he could not name, but certainly never wanted to become. He tried to push it away from him, to let it go and move on, further into their fateless existence, but he was forced to stop and look behind him, to look at the road so far, time and again, once by and empty bottle on a weary night, and other times by some angel-fucker, who thought it necessary to push his nose on it.  
He raised his hand and draped it over Cas’ shoulder.

‘Don’t ever chance’ he said, pointing a finger at Cas, as to teach him a lesson, only to cover the one that he had been taught himself, that night.

~~~  
He was reminded to the fact that he was far from flawless what must have been about a couple of weeks later, when the upcoming sun found him sitting in Bobby’s living room, surrounded by empty bottles. He and Sam had reunited, but it wasn’t okay, it was far from. Things had become worse, they had by now even come across famine, and thus discovered Cas sin.  
Maybe he had, indeed, been afraid to find out what it would be, afraid to be reminded of what he had been shown, the future at hand.  
He would not admit it, but he had for one second, one tiny second, he had expected Cas to become a different kind of addict. So he had smiled, not visibly, not loudly, just a tiny smile when his burden was relieved, and it appeared to be something so innocent, and then he had cursed, damn angels, of no use are they?

Of course it had been a heath of the moment, because of course they were and there was no place for standing still during the fight against the horsemen, and hell, even the damn apocalypse. But on nights like these he couldn’t hide, he couldn’t suppress it anymore and he started thinking again. Something had woken up inside him and he couldn’t name it, although it had felt so familiar. He rested his head on the back of the sofa and sighed. He had slowly reached the realization of how much he liked Cas. His weird angel with the ruffled hair and impeccable clothing. The one to show up when he needed him most, like that night. His loyal companion, his friend. 

But still he couldn’t shake the feeling, the guilt. It is a weird thing, guilt. He felt responsible for doing something in the future he wasn’t even sure was actually going to happen. Because he, dean Winchester, had managed to lose once again the things he cared about. Because maybe he had already started it? Maybe it was going to happen anyway? Cas had already changed, hadn’t he? He had been changing the entire time. He had corrupted his angel. Cas was becoming human more and more every day. As his brother was on the verge of throwing the world away. Wasn’t that supposed to be Dean’s top priority?

He shugged and took another swing from the bottle he had forgotten he was holding, doing the thing he was best at, drowning his feelings and moving on, for once and maybe for the last time, facing tomorrow. The day his brother was going to say yes to the devil.


	2. Changing fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fate takes a leap with the events of 5.23 as dean is thrown aside by Michael.  
> Attention! major character death in this chapter!!!!

The sun was scorching on the roof of the impala, Def Leppard blasting through the quiet landscape of stull cemetery, as he turned his baby.  
It was never seen before and yet so familiar. Dean was happy it wasn't a rose garden after all, as if that did any good.

He had failed getting Lucifer in the cage, earlier on, as he failed to see whose fault it actually was. He couldn't blame Sammy, now could he? He was the big brother, the one with the life experience. The one that promised to keep his little brother save…  
The one who failed at doing so.

He took a deep breath. At least Cas wasn't involved, he wouldn't be able to bear it lose him too, not now, not ever.  
He got out of the car, off to save the world. 'cuz I'm such a fearless fucker. Dean flinched at the negative commutation of the word fearless, just another brilliant part of Zach's legacy.

He strode over to the two figures standing at the horizon. Kismet had managed to have it his way after all. He could see in front of him all those who told him so, all the people, friends and enemies, who had warned and threatened him about fate, about destiny, laughing in his face. And at the end of the line he could see Jo, looking at him sympathetically, before turning her eyes to the ground. He didn't need their sympathy. He clenched his teeth and made his way up to the hill.

When he had reached the top he could see them clearly now. Michael and Lucifer. Evil and eviler. He had lost track of who was who. His stomach turned when he saw Lucifer. The devil wearing his little brother to the prom.

Lucifer turned his head, the sunlight highlighting his borrowed features. A sly smile slid over his face.  
Michael looked less amused. 'you'

'the more the merrier, don't you say my dear little brother? They can all see how I crush you.'  
Lucifer stressed the last word as he turned back to Michael, and gave another of his little laughs that made clear there was something far more powerful in there.  
'little late though.'  
The sun reflected in his green eyes.

Dean clenched his teeth again, he was holding back. He could kill the bastard with his bare hands, but that was purely emotionally, of course he couldn't actually kill the devil. Even if he could, Michael probably wouldn't let him.

He raised his voice. 'party's over. If you guys wanna gank each other do it on another planet.'  
Although one couldn't notice his hart was racing in his chest, and he clenched his fists. Either of them was powerful enough to smite him in no time, imagine what the pair of them could do.

Both angels turned to face him. He anxiously took a step back, and swallowed.  
'think we can squash this little ant before we get to business, brother? Won't matter anyway, since this planet is going to burn anyway.'

Michael was still not looking at Lucifer as he answered.  
'not the time for jokes don't you think so, Lucifer. And don't even think about calling me brother again. Ever. For the rest of your short miserable life.'

Dean followed Lucifers gaze, who turned back on his not-exactly-brother, while squeezing his eyes from the low afternoon sun.  
The first blast wave hit him like a freight train, which it probably assembled in force.  
The moment dean hit the ground his first reflex was covering his eyes from the white light piercing through, burning his skull from the inside out.

He could hear enochian shouting and punches being thrown, and cradled himself, waiting for the end to come, as he passed out.

the next time he found it in himself to look up, being blind doesn't matter to those who'll die anyway right? He saw two figures fighting with blazing swords at the emerald red horizon. One seemed to be in a winning position, slaying the second one over and over again, leaving him shouting in an unknown language but voice that sounded familiar. But deans brain couldn't process familiar right now, couldn't process anything really. His limited sight offered him a clear view on the person laying not too far from him in the high grass. He frowned. Who the hell was the third person?  
He went on all fours, crawling towards the body in the grass. He steadied himself before turning the person around.  
His eyes grew wide as realization hit him.

NO DAmnit no' his breathing sped up. There was no way that was happening.  
He got up as quickly as he could under the circumstances, and swaying on his feet he tried to make his way up against the hill again.

He could see how Michael sliced his blade one final time over Cas neck, making him open his mouth in a silent shout.  
'NO ONE. KILLS MY BROTHER. NOT EVEN YOU.'  
Michael stood straight, lifting his chin, to watch down on the body beneath him. He put his foot on Cas shoulder and gave him a final push, forcing him with his face down to the muddy grass.

Dean totally lost it having to watch that, not being able to do anything. He launched himself at Michael, only to grasp the empty air of where the angel had stood.  
'CAS oh god NO CAS! MICHAEL YOU BASTARD NOT CAS IT CAN't be oh god no'  
Dean cradled Cas body as he shouted till his voice went soar.  
Oblivious to both Sam had gotten up from the floor and was silently standing behind him and the sky regaining its original color.


	3. In pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is entirely done with Deans gross sobbing, Cas has gone for a while now and dean has been lost ever since...   
> and on top of that dean is having strange dreams.
> 
> this is where the collab part comes in. Anabelial wrote this chapter. you can find her on Deviantart.

\- "So...are you just gonna just sit here? Waiting for the miracle?" Sam was getting annoyed with Dean's behaviour. - "Dude, get a grip, move on, I don't know... Soon we'll be drowning in empty bottles, in the smell of whisky mixed with your pathetic sadness. Such a stupid way to die." - a gentle smirk appeared on Sam's lips.  
Dean didn't say a word, he seemed unconscious.  
\- "Well?"  
\- "If you can't help me then leave me alone. I don't feel like listening to this crap." - he answered and took another sip of whisky. - "People shouldn't talk about what they don't understand..."  
\- "Then explain it to me. Such a big boy, such a crybaby. You're worse than me! You could at least once tell me... what the hell is wrong with you..." - Sam looked at his older brother with hopeless eyes, begging for attention. However Dean didn't seem like he's gonna tell anything. Sam didn't try any more, he just left, shutting the door desperately. The cross which was hanging on the wall, suddenly fell.  
Dean squinted his eyes. He couldn't see clearly anymore. In the air you could sense the smell of sweat and alcohol. He felt like a wreck, a humanwreck. Helpless, almost like in coma. Nothing can reach you as you can't do anything about it, too. You just exist, but don't live. Because....what kind of life it is? Once not knowing how to express your feelings, twice...not having a chance to express them.  
\- "Damn you, Cas....." - he growled through tears. His voice couldn't almost get through the tightened throat. He was sobbing...in this ugly way, uncontrollably. He picked up the glass and threw it against the door. It shattered in little pieces, leaving streaks of whisky on it. He was cursing, praying, he was losing his own. Suddenly the room got filled with a familar harsh sound. Dean's pupils got wider, he even stopped breathing for a while. The sound was getting louder and louder and....it stopped. It was silent again. Again, there was no sound in the obscure room, except Dean's deep, lonely breath. He was shocked. He heard exactly the same thing everytime Castiel tried to contact him. His heart was trying to win the race with life, beating heavily with the insane speed. Soon impossible to count.  
\- "I guess...it's really too much..." - he closed his eyes, sat on the floor, leaning his head on the armchair.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

\- "W-where am I...?!" It was dark. From afar you could hear the raindrops hitting the ground. - "Ok, Sam you were right. Now, where the hell did you bring me? Huh?" - he asked in his typical, cool way, surprisingly calm. He didn't get an answer though. - "I swear, this is not funny anymore..." He stood up and wanted to take some steps forward but there was no ground to find. - "H-holy...crap...!" his loud voice echoed.  
\- "Dean..." - the strange voice called his name silently.  
\- "Sam?" - asked Dean unsure.  
\- "It's me, Castiel."  
Dean lifted his eyebrows. He couldn't believe in what he just heard. - "H.....how....?"  
\- "I'll be waiting on the bridge near the hotel. Come as fast as you can."  
Dean didn't understand anything. It all seemed like a lie, created just to make him suffer more. He will go there with high expectations and no one will be waiting. It'd tear him apart.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Dean woke up. His head hurt horribly. He had weird flashbacks, didn't know where they came from. Did he hear Castiel's voice? Did it really happen?  
\- "No....it must have been a dream!" - he got on his feet and without any hesitation left the hotel. He was running towards the bridge.  
\- "I remember now, he told me to come to the bridge.." - his thoughts were now sober. His vision was as clear as never before. His deperation was awful, taking over his heart. Finally he got on the bridge. He looked around, like he'd be searching for a rescue. Maybe it was just an illusion? Maybe it was just a normal dream? He began to think, the worst kinds of thoughts.  
\- "Please, let it be true..." - he clenched his fists.  
\- "Hello...Dean." - Dean turned away. He couldn't believe his eyes, just like before his ears. The trench coat was swaying in the wind , the calm and deep voice was piercing the hum of the waves and wind. Cold eyes were staring at Dean, curiously.


	4. Ch 4: under the surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was it actually Cas under the bridge?   
> Did he return? How did he return?   
> Is Dean going to have a mental breakdown? Is Cas going to be there to save him this time?

Dean stared at the figure in front of him, and he gasped like a fish on the dry.   
‘Cas?’ his voice broke as a whine escaped from his tightened throat.   
Cas looked down like at the dirty floor of the small footpad under the bridge. The rain had made a little river flowing through the gutter, seeking the lowest point, and bumping into Cas shoes. Cas looked guilty, as he was the one to be blamed for what happened, his mouth a tight line.   
‘Dean’ he said, as if to reassure him that this was really happening, as if he was indeed really there and not a shadow of Deans imagination. 

Dean launched himself forward, grabbing Cas shoulders tightly, as he let out a shuddered breath he didn’t even know he was holding.   
‘oh god’  
He pressed their chests together, and buried his face in Cas shoulders, as his arms were wrapped around him, nails digging in the soft material of the trench coat.   
Cas put a hand on his head, pushing his fingers through deans short hair at the nape of his neck.   
Dean let out a sob and hugged Cas possibly even tighter. 

‘I’m sorry dean. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize… I didn’t think.’  
Cas took a step back, putting his hands on Deans shoulders, pushing him away softly. He swallowed, and looked dean straight in the eyes.   
‘I’m so sorry’

Dean snorted and wiped his eyes with the side of his rain-covered sleeve, uselessly. He placed a hand on the side of Cas face, again merely reassuring himself it was real.   
Cas opened his mouth only to have the words captured by deans lips. He didn’t fight it, or step back. He just let him, wrapping a hand around his neck, pulling him into a deeper kiss. 

~~~  
He could see a door in front of him. A black door at the everlasting white hall that carried him at the speed of light. He reached his hand for it but he started moving in the opposite direction instead. He screamed but no words could leave his tightened throat. He kicked into the oblivion, and the room started spinning. Quicker and quicker and quicker, until the objects around him began to regain shape. 

He was laying in the field were Lucifer and Michael had met, the high grass tickling his nose. He lifted his head and squinted his eyes. The sun was high at the sky, and the cemetery was dead silent. He got up, swaying on his feet. All the trees around him were flat on the ground, just like when Cas had pulled him out of hell. 

Cas…  
He tried to remember why he felt this way. He could detect traces of guilt, sorrow, desperation and hope. 

Suddenly there was a voice behind him, and he turned quickly, almost losing his balance again.   
‘Dean?’

He gasped, and looked at Cas standing in front of him. He licked his lips, and swallowed.  
‘what? Where- Cas ? I…-‘  
Cas blue eyes slowly changed color, as he grew a couple of inches taller. His clothing switched smoothly from Cas tax-accountant-outfit to the white suite that brought with so many bad memories. His face changed structure and his hair grew longer. A wicked grin slid over his face as Lucifer threw his head back and let out an evil laugh.  
Deans scream echoed over the empty landscape.

~~~  
Dean shot wide awake, sitting upright in the old sofa in bobby’s living room. He was breathing heavily and beading in sweat. He threw off the blanked that had wrapped its way around his legs during what must have been a nightmare.   
He let out a frightened noise, and dug his nails in the material around him.   
Suddenly a pair of hands steadied him reassuringly. He looked up straight into Cas blue eyes.   
Cas sat down the sofa next to dean, not letting him go, shushing him softly.   
‘It’s going to be okay Dean. It’s all going to be just fine.’  
He whispered softly, drying Dean tears, which were rolling down his face uncontrollably. 

Dean pulled him closer again, eyes full of dead memories, and buried his face in the black jacked of Cas suit. He was sobbing.  
After some time he had calmed down, and started to see things clearly again, as his heart rate went back to a normal pace. The blanket on the floor was actually Cas trench coat, and dean realized he was clutching Cas way too tightly. He slowly let go and sat back, looking properly at Cas.   
‘It was .. It was Lucifer. He. You were dead. He had. How?’  
Cas fiddled with the hem of deans shirt. 

‘I was dead. Dean. He. He killed me. I couldn’t bear to let them kill you . I stepped in as soon as you were out. I killed Lucifer, Locked him back in the cage. But Michael… he got angry with me. I am not sure who brought me back. It must have been our father.’  
He looked up at dean.   
‘but everything is okay now. I can hear the other angels in heaven. I can hear them talk, Dean. Michael is punished they say. Michael is with our father.’

Dean put a hand on Cas face.   
‘promise me one thing Cas. Don’t ever. Do that again’

A tiny smile slid over Cas face, as he gripped deans wrist.  
‘Everything to save you Dean.’


	5. When rain is falling...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nothing. I'm just glad. You ran like a slut… who someone orders around."  
> Again he laughed rather mockingly, cocking his eyebrow just that way…
> 
> Dean was shocked. He couldn't believe what he just heard. However at the same time he imagined being a lil slut of his almighty Angel. Oh, the things he had in mind… How dirty it was...handcuffed and everything... A shiver went down his spine, and that didn’t escape Cas’ eye.
> 
> "Ah, you probably came so I can read your mind? Well...I figured out myself and it's going pretty good..."

It went too far.  
He stood by the window, watching lonely birds passing by, getting shaken up by the hard wind. The smell was kind of nostalgic, the forgotten feeling of something that never happened. You know it, right? When suddenly it hits you, out of nowhere, like memories you never had. Then you feel like your chest tightens up. He huffed, shaking his head slightly. Lying to himself all the fuckin' time, talking to himself in his head. Everyone does it, but his problem was the topic of the monologue. He was going fucking insane.

He noticed Cas striding towards the door in a determent pace.  
"So, you just came and already heading back?"  
Dean tried to hide his disappointment, avoiding Castiel's eyes by staring at the floor below. He let his voice drop.  
" you're seriously an asshole, Cas..."

"I can't do anything about it, if I could choose-" Cas spoke in his usual monotone gruff manner.

"Yeah, yeah. If you could? So now enjoying being a lil slut everyone orders around? So now you don’t mind just cuz things are different?"  
Dean couldn't hold his anger for too long. All the emotions started to overflow.  
“everyone has a choice.”

"I'd still go by Cas, Dean. Don't make new names for me." 

Dean sighed. It seemed like Angel didn't get him at all. It was tiring. Explaining everything all the time. Yet when he completely sucked at telling about his feelings. But at that moment he would do anything, like seriously anything. Just to keep Cas there. However something was holding him back. Was he too proud? Too afraid? :

\- "Seems like I can't do anything about it... so just do whatever you want. Disappear whenever you want, like you always do. It's not like you give a damn about others' feelings, right? Do you feel anything yourself, huh? Anything?"  
Dean turned his back on him, clenching his fists, digging his nails into the flesh.  
-"I wish I could give you the pain you give me right now, so maybe you'd understand. Asshole..."

-"Unfortunately. It's time." - Castiel stood up and went straight to the door. - "Dean...we will meet soon." the door closed.

So it was a farewell. Didn't expect such a farewell, I guess. No one would. Dean was about to break down, crawl and shout. In reality he was already doing it, inside his head. 

Always inside his head. 

He already confessed hundreds of times. Different ways, different places, different time. Always them, always the ending he expected. That's why...

Deans voice broke as he whispered , and the silent room threw his words right back at him.  
\- "Inside my head...inside my head...right..."

Without thinking a while he ran after the Angel. Expecting God knows what, hoping for something at least resembling understanding. He gasped, out of breath, but he kept on running, blindly. He kept repeating the same thing over and over again in his head, everything flying by in a haze.  
It’s the right thing to do. It’s ok.

And there he was. Again, on the bridge. He could hear metal scraping on metal, cars driving in mindless drive somewhere far away, away from the here and now. He could hear the water hitting the metal construction, like it was trying to break free, escape the cage. Just like Dean now, trying to escape the cage of his feeling.

Suddenly he heard a voice coming from somewhere he couldn’t exactly place.  
"I told you we'll meet soon, Dean."  
that voice. That heavenly voice. It soothingly calmed deans chest, being ripped by the insane emotions.  
"You were running like crazy, Dean. It kinda made...me...laugh.." –  
Cas chuckled as he looked away from Dean. He seemed delighted.

Dean was still panting from the long run, he looked at Cas and frowned.  
"What's so funny about that...? Why are you making me run after you like this all the time?!  
he shouted uncontrollably. He didn't care anymore, he just wanted to get rid of everything what was suffocating him.

"Nothing. I'm just glad. You ran like a slut… who someone orders around."  
Again he laughed rather mockingly, cocking his eyebrow just that way…

Dean was shocked. He couldn't believe what he just heard. However at the same time he imagined being a lil slut of his almighty Angel. Oh, the things he had in mind… How dirty it was...handcuffed and everything... A shiver went down his spine, and that didn’t escape Cas’ eye.

"Ah, you probably came so I can read your mind? Well...I figured out myself and it's going pretty good..."

Dean was trying to catch his breath. It was really embarrassing. He wanted Cas to read his mind, but he had never thought that the Angel had done it on purpose, saying such misleading things, just to make him feel uneasy. He was wondering whether he should make it more obvious and give it a shot or simply disguard it and walk away, acting like he didn't care.

Such a difficult decision. His mind was out of control. Completely lost, he fell on his knees. The Angel was still watching him closely. Still the same emotionless expression. Didn't it move him even a little bit? 

"Dean, Dean, Dean..."

he started walking towards him. Still remaining calm and cool. Suddenly he kneeled. Just before Dean. His expression wasn’t lifeless anymore. His lips were shaking, just like his hands, reaching now for Dean's chin, lifting it up a little by little.  
Dean could feel his heavy breath all over his neck, as Cas eyes searched for his. 

Cas rubbed his lips against Dean's, really gently. His eyes were watery, craving for a gaze of the other.

Dean was trying not to look into his eyes, but it was too difficult and he completely fell for it. He wrapped his arms around Angel's waist and pushed him on his back. They were now lying on the cold ground.

Dean parted Cas' lips with his tongue, slowly sliding it in, feeling his tongue against his. He got filled up with the warmth he never experienced. Their kisses were subtle and clumsy. Cas was grabbing Dean anywhere he could, like some needy teenager. He took his jacket off as fast as he could.  
When he put his cold hands under Dean's shirt, he'd hear silent groans coming out of the mouth of the topping one. His fingers were now drowned into Dean's chest, memorizing every inch of it, every rise and fall of his chest, every scar. 

Dean, in struggle with lust, bit Cas' lip 'till the warm blood dribbled down his neck. The Angel grabbed him by his hair and slowly pushed his lips against the little red stream. Dean, without even a word, began to lick it off with the tip off his tongue. Now Cas was the one moaning in pleasure, fingers needly searching for their goal.  
He took his trench coat by himself and then took off his shirt straight away, too. Dean got terribly turned on, watching Cas need. It was such a nice feeling, but at the same time such an awful one, him being the one doing this, that as so wrong. His mind told him it was wrong and but body felt so good, so right. He couldn't hold it anymore. He kept on imagining all the nasty stuff he wanted to do with him. 

"Cas..." the Angel didn't let him finish. He yanked his head up again, by the hair, kissed him passionately, breaking through his unspoken words. 

"Now I'm not Cas, but your master, so call things by their names..."  
He pushed him down against the ground, unzipping his trousers and sliding his hand in between his legs. Dean was doing his best just not to lost control, but as soon as Cas started moving his hand against his crotch, the loud and long moans were to hear. 

"A-ah...what ahh...y-you..."  
Dean could barely get the right word out.

"Mmm, Dean I am making it everything come true, just the way you wanted."  
He started removing his shirt and then pulling off his trousers.  
"Your expressions are so damn cute... who would think-"  
He was staring at Dean's face, a nice shade of red on his cheeks despite the whiny weather, half opened teary eyes, lips silently begging for more... 

"Our fearless leader… If you don't stop being this cute...I'll become a beast..."

Dean got hit by the wave of desire. His face became sure and serious, as he swallowed.

"Well, master... do me as you please then..."  
He whispered barely audible as he spread his legs a bit. 

Cas got really turned on by just hearing Dean calling him his master. He pulled him closer and began to touch him everywere while slowly biting his neck at the pulse point. Dean enjoyed the pain. His hips were moving on their own account, from pleasure, begging for more.  
He ducked his head, Reaching his partner's nipples and rubbing the top of his tongue against them. Cas was gasping heavily, grabbing Dean's ass and back harder and harder.  
Dean managed to get out of the strong hands of the Angel and started taking off Cas' trousers until the puddle around his knees.  
Cas was sitting on his knees now, his dick tenting the dull grey boxers. Dean pulled them down too, repositioning himself, bending his head towards it. He licked his lips, just before he let his tongue make circles on the top of his manhood. 

His master was groaning louder and louder. When Dean finally shoved his whole manhood into his mouth, his body began to tremble and shiver, tears forming befor his eyes. The angels vision was blurred. He kept on rubbing Dean's shoulders and pushing his nails into his skin everywhere, leaving red marks and bruises. He could fell the unfamiliar heat growing stronger yet, so he grabbed dean by his waist, making clear he was too close.  
Dean wanted to finish the job, but Cas just gently pushed him backwards. Dean lost his balance, and lay sprayed out right before Cas, both panting heavily. His scared at him wide eyed, knowing they were both having the same idea. 

Cas licked off the blood off his lips, full of wounds from biting, as he lowered himself onto dean, placing a hand on the ground.  
He pulled deans pants down a bit further, eyeing him up. During the struggle with his own letover clothes, it was almost as if everything went still and they were the only thing that was moving.  
He positioned himself, locking their lips together in just another hungry kiss.  
He began to slowly enter him, as Dean's body was pushed against the cold, dirty ground..

Dean was moaning from pain and pleasure, at the same time. He enjoyed when Cas was playing with him like this. The feeling of him inside his body was tearing his heart apart, crashing it into pieces. It felt this wonderful... still....he wanted more. He wanted it rough.

"Master, please, fuck me harder...."  
he said with a begging voice and puppy eyes, in between moans and pants.

Cas didn't hesitate. He shoved it whole inside him. His moves were now fast and even aggressive... 

Dean was almost shouting, while grabbing Cas' neck shakingly. He decided to get on top now. He wrapped his legs around partner's waist and slowly started to move his hips around, while watching Cas' expressions while he was teasing him like that. After a while he couldn't hold back and his hips were moving faster, moving erratically, flesh slapping against flesh. They were both moaning louder than ever before, almost out of breath.

When Cas made another vicious twist with his hips, and Dean felt his orgasm go over him like the waves flooding each other in the river. His mouth hung open in a silent shout, as Cas spilled his load inside him, collapsing on top of him, panting heavily.

The rain was still pouring down the streets, soaking the trench coat lying next to the two motionless figures under the bridge...


	6. This time you'll see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the line.  
> Dean comes down, as Cas shows him the world.

Dean stood by the window, staring into the abyss of a dull landscape. Again it was raining. There was a cold wind making the trees moan, it was like the fucking stars where falling from the sky. How fucking ironic. 

First he had had nothing, no one. But somehow it was alright. There was a strange kind of calmness, as if it was going to end up as it was supposed to. It wouldn’t have been pretty, or anything like that what he wished for, but he had found peace with the natural cause of things. 

Now he had everything. But it was broken. And there was no one to fix it. Because he had broken the one that was capable of making it go away.   
So there he was. Lost without a sense of reality. 

What a fucking dream world.

They had carried on as if nothing had happened, as if Sam hadn’t gone on a suicide mission with the Devil and managed to return. As if Cas never died. As if Dean was perfectly OK. 

They followed up on a rugaru hunt and Sammy had done just fine. Even Cas had offered help. 

But Dean knew it wasn’t fine, he felt useless. Still the same fucking train wreck from the beginning. For some weird resaason overcome with guilt, and angry at the world at the same time. 

And at Cas.

What the fuck had happened anyway.

Dean figures he had kinda needed it. Though he wouldn’t admit that. Ever. Just like his not admitting he might still need it. As if he might need more than that. Something that actually had a meaning. 

They hadn’t talked though. Not Deans style at all, suck it up and carry on was his philosophy. Although he felt it was killing him.   
Which it was.

Sam walked in with two sandwiches in one hand, and two beers in the other. Like he worked in a fucking roadhouse, the bastard. Dean didn’t accept the sandwich though, sign of solidarity, my ass. The beer, on the other hand, went down just fine. Maybe a little too fine. Sam ogled dean from the corner of his eye, suspiciously.   
Dean didn’t care a bit that it showed how fucked up he still was. Sam could go fuck himself, he wasn’t going to analyze shit. And they weren’t going to talk about it.

‘Dean, you can’t carry on like this’

Sam’s stating the obvious was really not helping. 

‘wow thanks, Einstein. Did it take you long to figure that out?’ 

If that was all that was going to happen, he could go upstairs just as well. Dean walked out of the room. Who does he think he is? A fucking psychologist?  
Theres only one perso-

‘Sam is right, Dean’

He halted. 

‘Sam’s got nothing to do with it.’

Fuck if Cas was going to win this conversation. He strode towards the door in a determent pace. Cas reappeared in front of him.  
‘Dean’

‘Get out of my way’

‘we need to talk about this, Dean.’

‘Stop Deaning me, and let me in.’

‘there’s no need for this. Why do you always complicate matters?’

‘Cuz theres nothing easy about them, Why am I still talking to you.’

He flinched at his own words. Afraid of the mindless rage behind them, frightened of himself. Before Cas could say another thing, a fist cleaved though the air.  
Cas caught Dean’s arm, twisting him around, slamming him into the door. He kissed him hard, as if to drive away the anger. Even though he knew he couldn’t fix it like this. Oh, he tried. 

Dean pushed him off. ‘don’t you dare.’

Only to pull him back to his mouth by the lapels of his coat. He was so fucking angry, confused, and yet. He fucking needed Cas, and he was right there. Tears formed in his eyes, he dropped his head on Cas shoulders, still holding on to his coat as if he was drowning. Which he was, in a sense. Drowning in a sea of emotions.   
‘I’m losing it Cas. I can’t do it anymore. You gotta fix me Cas’

‘I know, Dean, I know. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere anymore.’

Dean let go of a sob, before snorting and lifting his head.   
‘I need you Cas.’

His troat was impossibly thight, and he fetl tired, tired of faking his feelings, tired of trying. He just wanted to be sure that it was alright, wanted to be assured of a future he didn’t believe in. to have faith, in the fact there wasn’t any. 

‘I know Dean, I love you too.’

That was it. He could live with that. He drowned in the blue of Cas eyes, as if they were the sky. 

‘It won’t happen, Dean. It will be fine. My brother is gone now. Sam will be fine. It will take time but he will be fine. And so will we. This time you'll see.’

Dean knew what cas meant. It was what he had needed the most. And he breathed again. And he knew. The winds where cold. The rain was there.  
So where the trees, little breezes and waves. And so was Cas, his angel. And that, that is something he could live by.


End file.
